Lose Yourself Through Giving


Taken from psychcentral.com:
“I used to have a friend who often neglected herself. She put other people’s needs first. She gave up her time and energy not because she was selfless, but because of what would happen if she stopped her people-pleasing ways. That friend was me.

I think a lot of us give out of obligation. We were brought up to be humble, generous, and self-serving. Our culture supported it. Our families insisted on it. And for a long time we subscribe to it because it feels good to be known as the giver, the self-sacrificer, the helpful one. But what I’ve discovered over time is that consistently burying your needs so that you can focus on the needs of others leaves you resentful. You learn to distrust yourself. Any positive effects from helping loved ones begin to wane as self-doubt grows stronger. “How much can someone really love me if they don’t even know who I am?” you think to yourself.

Over time you may begin to lose yourself. You forget that your existence doesn’t depend on pleasing others. You lose sight of why you’re giving in the first place. To truly give is a gift that benefits both the giver and receiver. Giving out of obligation or fear, on the other hand, is emotionally depleting and self-serving. If you’re struggling with giving too much, you might be grappling with self-esteem issues or just need a wake up call to start taking better care of yourself. This week our posts will give you the tools for self-healing whether your issues originate from a bad day or an unhealthy pattern of living.”

Written by: Brandi-Ann Uyemura, M.A
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